A month or so into lockdown, Willie Rimes was finding it hard
All the pubs were shut, nothing to do
Outside the 5Km zone but within his price range
Was a house of ill repute that Willie knew
Sick of the off licence he was nearly off the drink
– The only time he’s more of a danger than when drunk –
The notes were rustling in his trousers as unspent money is known to do
For anyone living now like Willie like a monk!
So Willie hopped into his jalopy, no insurance or NCT
He figured out he was no worse in that regard than most
And is a quizzing copper on the roadside should chance to be:
“Sure the tax disc Garda me aul flower is in the post!”
He was never comfortable driving when he hadnt a drink or two
Found it unnerving how others refused to share their side of the road
They expecting him – shock horror – to stay in his own lane:
How the law of the land curtails freedom this clearly to Willie showed!
He got out to the outskirts and coming to a bridge
There was a cop car pulled in up to the right
On the left a Garda stood, and as quick as Willie could
He spun the car around and out of sight.
It wasnt very long until the blue light showed up behind
And Willie found himself cought in a cul de sac
He couldnt go forward – what a place to put a wall –
The police were unhelpful in allowing him to go back.
“Why did you turn from the checkpoint, hi?”, said the garda with a smile
She had the blondest hair and eyes that in Willies heart lit fires!
“I wasn’t trying to get out of my 5K zone” said Willie with a stammer
“I jut didn’t want ye seeing my bald tyres!”
She booked him for the tyres, took the car for having no tax
She made the bould Willie walk the 4km all the way back home,
When he asked her for her number all she sai was “999”
And told him to beat it back the way he had come!
Yes, these lockdowns they are hard, between the lawyers and the fines
The money Willie had for the ladies of ill repute was all but gone…
They took away the driving license that Willie never had had
They crushed his love machine in the scrapyard – his driving days for now done.
Its a good thing the Garda and judge didnt know where Willie was really headed:
All excited for an hour to have with him a match
It would be an hour of fun, and then he would be gone:
He’d be happy if COVID19 was all that there he did catch!