Alternative Genesis and What Happened in Eden with the Apple

Adam with an Apple PC in the Garden of Eden
Adam with an Apple PC in the Garden of Eden

Once upon a time in the Garden of Eden
God gave Adam and Eve a PC
But banned them from the Apple laptop
Stating – “That one belongs just to me!
It has all my plans and my films
Of what is possible and not…
You can sign up for Edenbook and be each others friends
I’m afraid that all you got!”

Well they signed up for the very first Facebook
He became her friend and she his in reply
They could find no others as there were none
In those mystical distant days gone by.
(Eve found in Adams search history,
To spite him and Lillith being history by now,
He searched for her but couldn’t find her…
He knew she knew but never understood how!)

Eve faulted the Microsoft Windows software
She said that it was far too weak…
On Gods Apple was the software for all mankind
The others of their kind they did seek.
So they snuck into the grove at the top of the Garden
She serpent swung low from the tree
“Alpha Omega is the password,
I saw God type it” said the snake, “trust me!”

The laptop opened it wonders
– The snake was on it just before they arrived! –
And if you seen what he was looking at!
He guiltily excuses contrived…
Adam looked all embarrassed
When the dirty videos did see
He confided to Eve in a Whisper
“That’s what Lillith wanted to do with me”

Eve wasn’t impressed by a long shot
Could Adam be this thick for real?
“Take a bite out of the apple” she whispered as allegorical invite
What happened next made her with shock and laughter squeal
For Adam took her suggestions literally
Picked up the Apple with both hands beneath
Tried to take a big bite from the keyboard
Promptly he broke half his teeth…

There was a rustle in the Garden,
“Quick hide from the Omnipresent God” said she
She was blond. The first one in history
Who hoped them in the bushes God wouldn’t see.
So she grabbed a few fig leaves to cover their privates
Another for Adam to wear as a face mask…
But seeing that hiding from God it was proving
A nearly impossible task.

Now to pollen Adam was allergic,
Try to stifle it as he might, he sneezed…
“There ye are, ye think I didn’t see ya”
Said God who saw they saw he saw them and wasn’t looking too pleased.
You wouldn’t abide my instructions…
You say those video’s belong to ME?
I don’t know how that snake did it…
But he managed to hack my PC.

“Adam, I saw your toothmarks,
Eve, with Adam you’ll have your way,
But you’ll both be cast to earth to die and give birth
Right up until Judgement Day.
“Please God”, said Adam “the snake looked over your shoulder,
It saw the password that there you did type…
The world “Password” is quite guessable as a password,
Even for me, who with IT am a bit of a glipe”

Well, that wasn’t enough to abate Gods anger
The snake was cast down to earth as well
To bite the heel of Adam who stamps it
Eve vowed to make his life hell:
She never forgave him for looking up Lillith
She vowed her and her kind would make him and his pay…
That’s why we have love and hate in equal measure…
The war of the sexes to this very day!!!!

The advert that inspired the verse above!!!
The advert that inspired the verse above!!!

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