{"id":809,"date":"2014-10-01T18:51:04","date_gmt":"2014-10-01T18:51:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/?p=809"},"modified":"2014-10-01T19:12:05","modified_gmt":"2014-10-01T19:12:05","slug":"the-pearly-gates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/the-pearly-gates\/","title":{"rendered":"The Pearly Gates"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Reaching<\/a>
Reaching the “Pearly Gates”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I<\/p>\n

I was talking to a widow
\nAnd she was telling the tale to me
\nAbout one night in the moonlight
\nHer dead husband she did see!
\nShe was scared at the apparition
\nAnd was in an awful state
\nAs the story he did tell was that he was in Hell
\nAnd how he went wrong at the Gate.<\/p>\n

II<\/p>\n

Everything was as he expected
\nThere was an awful throng
\nHe knew that there would be a wait
\nBecause the queue was long
\nAnd in his turn he took his place
\nWith the others in the queue
\nBut the angels weren\u0092t slow as civil servants go
\nAs they had a lot to do.<\/p>\n

III<\/p>\n

They had a lot of forms to be filled
\nAnd a lot of questions to ask
\nAnd to be sure everyone went to where they were meant
\nWas a near impossible task.
\nThere were microchip computers
\nListed on were all of our sins
\nThe old floppy discs of one megabyte
\nHad long since got the bins.<\/p>\n

IV<\/p>\n

God\u0092s soul accountants had Windows XP
\nThe Devils had the same
\nYour details and score came up on the screen
\nWhen they typed in your birth date, location and name.
\nEven though he is a great sinner,
\nThe Microsoft man, Bill Gates
\nHe\u0092s sure of a place in Heaven
\nAs God and he are good mates.<\/p>\n

V<\/p>\n

God wanted use of his programmes
\nSo with God he cut a deal \u0096
\nFree contract for a sure place in heaven
\nNo matter how he would sin or would steal
\nThe Devil was still working on paper
\nHe had an awful job to do\u0085
\nGod on him, he took pity
\nSo he got Satan one too!<\/p>\n

VI<\/p>\n

Satan, well he was delighted
\nOn disc he now has our names
\nWith up to date Sinning League Scores
\nThe old files now fan the flames!
\nMore flames are needed in hell now,
\nIn the Fire there can be no interruption
\nAs the numbers of the condemned are rising fast
\nAs the Heavenly Standards Commission stamps out corruption!<\/p>\n

VII<\/p>\n

Bill Gates was the last deal they\u0092d do
\nThere was too many dodgy ones getting in
\nIt was at the stage that in its old age
\nHeaven was a breeding place of debauchery and sin!
\n\u0094I finally arrived\u0094 he said, \u0093at the hatch
\nI gave my address and my name
\nHe asked me how and why I made so many sins
\nAs I tried to clear myself of blame.<\/p>\n

VIII<\/p>\n

St Peter smiles and asked me to wait
\nWith others who laughed as\u00a0 told how great was their sin
\nTo a queue of a hundred more beside the pearly gate
\nWho admitted to little, and yet they still got in!
\nBut, when the gate it was opened
\nA long path we were led down
\nUntil we came to a crossing
\nAt the sign I had to frown.<\/p>\n

IX<\/p>\n

Heaven was back the way we came
\nWe soon understood and could tell
\nThe lucky ones were selected for purgatory
\nAnd the unfortunates, for Hell!
\nFor God made Heaven for us all
\nFor everybody there is a place
\nYou queue at the border, but your there still
\nYou only leave if you’ve fallen from grace!<\/p>\n

X<\/p>\n

Everybody goes to heaven: the Devil, me and you,
\nIn our turn we protest our case when we reach the top of the queue
\nAnd if our case is all right, in Heaven we are allowed to stay
\nAnd if we are deemed as bad to be\u0085 we are turned the \u0092other way\u0092\u0094.
\nShe told me that that was how here husband the story to her did tell
\nAnd he should know, as he went to Heaven, and then to Hell
\nThe Afterworld is a strange place, for as you go about,
\nIf you go through the pearly gates\u0085 then you are going OUT!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I I was talking to a widow And she was telling the tale to me About one night in the moonlight Her dead husband she did see! She was scared at the apparition And was in an awful state As the story he did tell was that he was in …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[155,89],"tags":[1030,797,1031,1032],"class_list":["post-809","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-death","category-funny-poems","tag-deh","tag-funny-poems-2","tag-humerous-poem-on-death","tag-the-pearly-gates","column","twocol"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7EI4f-d3","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2697,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/some-house-party-in-heaven\/","url_meta":{"origin":809,"position":0},"title":"Some House Party In Heaven","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"24th April 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"They are having some house party in Heaven All of the greats they were playing The Devil enjoyed the music drifting through the gates But he couldn't make out the lyrics they were saying. Tupac he was throwing out rap But he and Biggie still are not talking Sinatras still\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Death"","block_context":{"text":"Death","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/death\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"PRINCE - The Latest in the Heavenly All Stars Ceilidh Band","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/PRINCE-The-Latest-in-the-Heavenly-All-Stars-Ceilidh-Band.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/PRINCE-The-Latest-in-the-Heavenly-All-Stars-Ceilidh-Band.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/PRINCE-The-Latest-in-the-Heavenly-All-Stars-Ceilidh-Band.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/PRINCE-The-Latest-in-the-Heavenly-All-Stars-Ceilidh-Band.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":356,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/to-be-or-not-to-be-a-bee\/","url_meta":{"origin":809,"position":1},"title":"To Be, Or Not To Be A Bee","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"18th February 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"What a horrid life it seems to me, To be the drone, a male bee, Who lives for love and lust alone For it hes bred, fed and grown. But the bee to woo the Queen, Is among many who scorned have been He who tried and failed has flown\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Bee at Work","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/Bee-at-Work.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/Bee-at-Work.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/Bee-at-Work.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/Bee-at-Work.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3186,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/flanagan-and-the-lampost\/","url_meta":{"origin":809,"position":2},"title":"Flanagan and the Lampost","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"25th September 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Based on the story of an unfortunate from Kinnitty who got arrested trying to fight a lampost, got arrested, and told everyone about it! Willie Rimes wouldnt do it! Of all of Irelands drinking men There are few like Flanagan of Gap Glen Who went to market and then home\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"This one was not the lampost Flanagan fought in Kinnity, this one is from Galway... but it possibly of a similar style!","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/lampost.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4446,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/willie-rimes-goes-to-confession\/","url_meta":{"origin":809,"position":3},"title":"Willie Rimes Goes to Confession","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"2nd February 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 A legend in his own lifetime Afraid he'd go to hell The bold Willie went in to the church All his sins to the priest to tell The priest thought he had heard it all That he did by then you'd think: Its said after hearing Willies confession The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Willie Rimes went to confession - that wasnt going to end well...","src":"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/a\/ab\/St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg\/647px-St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/a\/ab\/St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg\/647px-St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg 1x, https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/a\/ab\/St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg\/647px-St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1967,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/dutch-courage\/","url_meta":{"origin":809,"position":4},"title":"Dutch Courage","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"24th June 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"All possibilities will reveal Themselves in the morning, waking Some will smile and what they find in bed Others in horror will be shaking... If it wasn't for drink I think mankind Might for want of loving cease to be Now where is it, that bottle of vodka So I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":62,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/paris-doorway-red-light\/","url_meta":{"origin":809,"position":5},"title":"Paris Doorway: Red Light","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"4th August 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Young soldiers facing death worried not about sin when heading into battle, many of whom never had being in a relationship, and were doomed to a prostitutes embrace to be the only experience of female love they would enjoy before their imminent deaths. Those who had not lived and loved\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Non Rhyming Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Non Rhyming Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/non-rhyming-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"One of the Paris Bordello workers","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/One-of-the-Paris-Bordello-workers.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/One-of-the-Paris-Bordello-workers.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/One-of-the-Paris-Bordello-workers.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/One-of-the-Paris-Bordello-workers.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/809","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=809"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/809\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":819,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/809\/revisions\/819"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=809"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=809"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=809"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}