{"id":5125,"date":"2021-11-29T05:18:20","date_gmt":"2021-11-29T05:18:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/?p=5125"},"modified":"2021-11-29T05:18:20","modified_gmt":"2021-11-29T05:18:20","slug":"alternative-genesis-and-what-happened-in-eden-with-the-apple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/alternative-genesis-and-what-happened-in-eden-with-the-apple\/","title":{"rendered":"Alternative Genesis and What Happened in Eden with the Apple"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Adam<\/a>
Adam with an Apple PC in the Garden of Eden<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Once upon a time in the Garden of Eden
\nGod gave Adam and Eve a PC
\nBut banned them from the Apple laptop
\nStating – “That one belongs just to me!
\nIt has all my plans and my films
\nOf what is possible and not…
\nYou can sign up for Edenbook and be each others friends
\nI’m afraid that all you got!”<\/p>\n

Well they signed up for the very first Facebook
\nHe became her friend and she his in reply
\nThey could find no others as there were none
\nIn those mystical distant days gone by.
\n(Eve found in Adams search history,
\nTo spite him and Lillith being history by now,
\nHe searched for her but couldn’t find her…
\nHe knew she knew but never understood how!)<\/p>\n

Eve faulted the Microsoft Windows software
\nShe said that it was far too weak…
\nOn Gods Apple was the software for all mankind
\nThe others of their kind they did seek.
\nSo they snuck into the grove at the top of the Garden
\nShe serpent swung low from the tree
\n“Alpha Omega is the password,
\nI saw God type it” said the snake, “trust me!”<\/p>\n

The laptop opened it wonders
\n– The snake was on it just before they arrived! –
\nAnd if you seen what he was looking at!
\nHe guiltily excuses contrived…
\nAdam looked all embarrassed
\nWhen the dirty videos did see
\nHe confided to Eve in a Whisper
\n“That’s what Lillith wanted to do with me”<\/p>\n

Eve wasn’t impressed by a long shot
\nCould Adam be this thick for real?
\n“Take a bite out of the apple” she whispered as allegorical invite
\nWhat happened next made her with shock and laughter squeal
\nFor Adam took her suggestions literally
\nPicked up the Apple with both hands beneath
\nTried to take a big bite from the keyboard
\nPromptly he broke half his teeth…<\/p>\n

There was a rustle in the Garden,
\n“Quick hide from the Omnipresent God” said she
\nShe was blond. The first one in history
\nWho hoped them in the bushes God wouldn’t see.
\nSo she grabbed a few fig leaves to cover their privates
\nAnother for Adam to wear as a face mask…
\nBut seeing that hiding from God it was proving
\nA nearly impossible task.<\/p>\n

Now to pollen Adam was allergic,
\nTry to stifle it as he might, he sneezed…
\n“There ye are, ye think I didn’t see ya”
\nSaid God who saw they saw he saw them and wasn’t looking too pleased.
\nYou wouldn’t abide my instructions…
\nYou say those video’s belong to ME?
\nI don’t know how that snake did it…
\nBut he managed to hack my PC.<\/p>\n

“Adam, I saw your toothmarks,
\nEve, with Adam you’ll have your way,
\nBut you’ll both be cast to earth to die and give birth
\nRight up until Judgement Day.
\n“Please God”, said Adam “the snake looked over your shoulder,
\nIt saw the password that there you did type…
\nThe world “Password” is quite guessable as a password,
\nEven for me, who with IT am a bit of a glipe”<\/p>\n

Well, that wasn’t enough to abate Gods anger
\nThe snake was cast down to earth as well
\nTo bite the heel of Adam who stamps it
\nEve vowed to make his life hell:
\nShe never forgave him for looking up Lillith
\nShe vowed her and her kind would make him and his pay…
\nThat’s why we have love and hate in equal measure…
\nThe war of the sexes to this very day!!!!<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>
The advert that inspired the verse above!!!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once upon a time in the Garden of Eden God gave Adam and Eve a PC But banned them from the Apple laptop Stating – “That one belongs just to me! It has all my plans and my films Of what is possible and not… You can sign up for …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[89,376,4498,1],"tags":[830,4504,4506,4505,1830,831,3312],"class_list":["post-5125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-poems","category-funny-poems-18","category-striking-a-deal-with-the-devil","category-uncategorized","tag-adam-and-eve","tag-apple-computer","tag-banishment-from-the-garden-poem","tag-cast-from-the-garden","tag-creation","tag-garden-of-eden","tag-genesis","column","twocol"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7EI4f-1kF","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4126,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/adams-hindsight-on-the-garden-of-eden\/","url_meta":{"origin":5125,"position":0},"title":"Adams Hindsight on the Garden of Eden","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"4th November 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"They walked serene without any clothes Free and easy, them both She bid, he bit, and it got stuck A bit of apple in his throat They looked at each other anew They both then realised How naked they were for they were naked They looked at each other surprised!\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Forbidden Romance"","block_context":{"text":"Forbidden Romance","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/love-poems\/forbidden-romance\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Jan Brueghel the Elder - Paradise and the Fall","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Jan-Brueghel-the-Elder-Paradise-and-the-Fall.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Jan-Brueghel-the-Elder-Paradise-and-the-Fall.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Jan-Brueghel-the-Elder-Paradise-and-the-Fall.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/Jan-Brueghel-the-Elder-Paradise-and-the-Fall.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4123,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/the-apple-of-eden\/","url_meta":{"origin":5125,"position":1},"title":"The Apple Of Eden","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"4th November 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Fruit of a tree that begot sin And led poor Adam astray, When misled by a lusty Eve In Edens garden one day. I have indulged in your fruit But sad am I to say, It takes more than eating you, To by girls be seduced today! \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems (18+!!!)"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems (18+!!!)","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems-18\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Fall of Man - Painting by Titian","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/The-Fall-of-Man-Painting-by-Titian-232x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1974,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/snakes-defense-to-the-charges-about-the-garden-of-eden\/","url_meta":{"origin":5125,"position":2},"title":"Snakes Defense to the Charges About the Garden of Eden","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"3rd August 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"My dad used to wind up preachers from the Jehovahs Witnesses by denying the Eden story, and using the last line of this verse in his argument! So, I imagined the snakes defense to the charges of suggesting to Eve to eat the apple, and incorporating my dads words! Its\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Eve and the Serpent","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Eve-and-the-Serpent-246x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5022,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/before-the-very-first-poem\/","url_meta":{"origin":5125,"position":3},"title":"Before the Very First Poem","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"11th August 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"In a time before poetry was written or read, Before a song was sung, or a tale said, They lived in a garden, green, fertile and fair, The free-est the fairest, the only ones there, But one order, one order, they could not obey, So they seek comfort to this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Faith"","block_context":{"text":"Faith","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/faith\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/the-garden-of-eden-jan-the-elder-brueghel.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/the-garden-of-eden-jan-the-elder-brueghel.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/the-garden-of-eden-jan-the-elder-brueghel.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/the-garden-of-eden-jan-the-elder-brueghel.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":567,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/the-banishment-from-the-garden\/","url_meta":{"origin":5125,"position":4},"title":"The Banishment from the Garden","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"5th April 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"The Lord looked down and saw man The man who could not see That he was naked as when born And that neither was she. And after eating the apple, They saw, and to their shame They hid from view as humans do And gave as \"Private Parts\" their genitals\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Biblical Epics"","block_context":{"text":"Biblical Epics","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/moral\/biblical-epics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Garden of Eden and the Fall of Man, c.1610-12, by Jan Brueghel the Elder and Hendrick de Clerck STAATSGALERIE NEUBURG AN DER DONAU, BAYERISCHE STAATSGEMALDESAMMLUNGEN","src":"http:\/\/writeoutloud.net\/public\/imagephoto.php?shrinkonly=1&mediadataid=2630&sizex=250","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3137,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/enda-and-angela-and-the-apple-of-eden\/","url_meta":{"origin":5125,"position":5},"title":"Enda and Angela and the Apple of Eden","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"3rd September 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Enda was hungry having thrown his food away Angela was giving\u00a0him nuts and berries every\u00a0day But it was not free, the food he did lack He had to give it all, and as much more back! Adam lay hungry under a tree That bore the biggest juiciest Apple Angela ever\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Austerity"","block_context":{"text":"Austerity","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/austerity\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Angela Merkel and Enda Kenny tempted to bite Apple Computers and make them pay taxes","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/Angela-Merkel-and-Enda-Kenny-tempted-to-bite-Apple-Computers-and-make-them-pay-taxes.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5125"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5125\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5144,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5125\/revisions\/5144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}