{"id":2840,"date":"2016-06-20T23:39:21","date_gmt":"2016-06-20T23:39:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/?p=2840"},"modified":"2016-06-21T00:07:22","modified_gmt":"2016-06-21T00:07:22","slug":"willie-rimes-gets-married","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/willie-rimes-gets-married\/","title":{"rendered":"Willie Rimes Gets Married"},"content":{"rendered":"

Willie Rimes fled to London, of the guards he was afraid
\nHe might we arrested after his antics at the St Patricks day parade
\nHe was settling in over there where he has been since
\nThough he couldnt stay out of bother, as I tell the tale of last week I wince
\nWillie had a pounding hangover, on the drink a fortnight or more
\nWhen he found a gang of Pakistanis all dressed up outside the door
\n“I got a hangover” he shouted, “Who are you Go away!”
\n“Its Jameel” came the reply… “you marry my sister today!”
\nNow our Willie he was gobsmacked, at the multicoloured sight
\nThe girl had henna painting on her hand and looked a bit of all right
\nWillie hadn’t shaved at all and was a confirmed bachelor for life
\nWhen did he agree to get married, for this girl to be his wife?<\/p>\n

\"Willie
Willie Rimes got married – here is is lovely bride – though he fled the cermony and never got the ride<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

He didt get a chance to think about it, as he was bundled into a car
\nBy two rather dodgy looking chaps he had seen in the local bar
\nThen it hit him, when on the lash about two months before
\nHe borrowed money from some lenders he met by the back door
\nThen he borrowed a little more, and then he couldnt pay
\nThey told him thats when he agreed to get married today
\nThe fact he was getting married hadnt hit him just yet
\nHe perked up delighted saying “Be jayzuz Im out of debt!”<\/p>\n

“There will be no swearing now, this prayer you must recite”
\nSaid the other man, as Willie read it he turned a deadly white
\nIt pledged him to be a Muslim and be good for now and all time
\nThe religion where to have a wee drink itself was a crime!
\nNow Willie was in a panic, he was not gone on this anymore
\nIt hit him like a hammer what he didn’t figure out before
\nWhat the drink does to our Willie! Such a comical tale
\nWhen Willie Rimes got married in a scam of passports for sale!<\/p>\n

\"Shahada
Shahada that Willie Rimes took – though he had NO understanding of it he is afraid its still binding!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

“But sure its not a real marriage” Willie to them pleaded
\n“My name on the cert for her to get the passport is all thats needed?”
\n“You will not disrespect my sister, if thats what you think”
\nSaid Jameel with a gaze evil and real “You got to give up the drink”
\nNow, Willie can use a washing machine, and there’s always the launderette
\nHe can buy a bag of chips, so he doesn’t need a wife just yet
\nBut the thirst of God was on him, and he didn’t care as to how
\nHe needed to get to a pub, he needed a cure right now!<\/p>\n

They arrived at a building, it was a mosque he was told
\nIt had a funny shaped roof and crazy writing and didn’t look quite old
\nThe writing hed seen before on the telly about Syria and Iraq
\nHere he was now getting married, to get out of debt and for the craic!
\nHe was told there are many types of marriage, and this it is the first
\nFor Willie anything with a ring and the name of marriage it is the worst
\nHe was thinking of their wedding night and the loving and with a start he realized
\nHe had a major crisis he told them, being Irish he wasn’t circumcised…<\/p>\n

That is not a problem, we can do it for you now in the back room
\nWillie went pale again, like a corpse in a tomb,
\nNow he started to panic, he really needed quick to get out of this
\n“Bejayzuz by the name of Allah lads” says he, “I need to go for a piss”
\nHe got into the toilet, brought a chair with him to block the door
\nSmashed the window with his boot, he was staying here no more
\nOut the window with him down a half story, on his arse on the ground
\nBut the adrenelin outdid the pain, as quick he looked around,
\nHe legged it up a back lane, and hopped over a wall
\nHe ran for a half hour and never stopped at all
\nHe was going toi suffer pain anyway, and could get no loving
\nJumped in the door of the first pub he found, through the crowd he was shoving
\nHe got up to the counter ordered a pint and a double whiskey, as he raised the glass to his gob
\nHe downed the whiskey in a gulp and said “thats just the job!”<\/p>\n

He fled back home from London, hes officially on the run he says
\nHes afraid of Turkish restaurants, and will never eat in an Indian for the rest of his days
\nHe never thought he would be committed even if it was only a sham
\nThough hes officially married now and converted to Islam!<\/p>\n

\"Willies
Willies marraige cert – if you see him print it out and hand it to him<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Willie Rimes fled to London, of the guards he was afraid He might we arrested after his antics at the St Patricks day parade He was settling in over there where he has been since Though he couldnt stay out of bother, as I tell the tale of last week …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[89,178,2716],"tags":[2965,2163,2964,2959,93,2963,2961,2960,2962,2958,2957,2956],"class_list":["post-2840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-poems","category-irish-romances","category-life-and-times-of-willie-rimes","tag-calamity","tag-comedy-poem","tag-comic-poem","tag-debt-collector","tag-funny-poem","tag-henna","tag-humer","tag-humour","tag-marraige","tag-passports-for-sale","tag-sham-marriage","tag-wilie-rimes","column","twocol"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7EI4f-JO","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4446,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/willie-rimes-goes-to-confession\/","url_meta":{"origin":2840,"position":0},"title":"Willie Rimes Goes to Confession","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"2nd February 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 A legend in his own lifetime Afraid he'd go to hell The bold Willie went in to the church All his sins to the priest to tell The priest thought he had heard it all That he did by then you'd think: Its said after hearing Willies confession The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Willie Rimes went to confession - that wasnt going to end well...","src":"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/a\/ab\/St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg\/647px-St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/a\/ab\/St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg\/647px-St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg 1x, https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/a\/ab\/St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg\/647px-St.leonhard-ffm-beichtstuhl001.jpg 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2625,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/willie-rimes-and-the-crock-of-gold\/","url_meta":{"origin":2840,"position":1},"title":"Willie Rimes and the Crock of Gold","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"2nd April 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The morning after St Patricks Day the bould Willie awoke, \"Jesus Mary and Joseph\" where the first words he spoke, All thoughts of St Patrick as part of a prayer for the season forgotton, His head it was thumping and he could smell something stinking rotton! He remembered being on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Leprechaun who gave Willie Rimes his gold","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/The-Leprechaun-who-gave-Willie-Rimes-his-gold.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/The-Leprechaun-who-gave-Willie-Rimes-his-gold.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/The-Leprechaun-who-gave-Willie-Rimes-his-gold.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/The-Leprechaun-who-gave-Willie-Rimes-his-gold.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/The-Leprechaun-who-gave-Willie-Rimes-his-gold.jpg?resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4413,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/willie-rimes-builds-a-boat\/","url_meta":{"origin":2840,"position":2},"title":"Willie Rimes Builds a Boat","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"28th October 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"We havnt heard from Willie Rimes in a while... as expected, he has been up to no good... in a self built boat! What POSSIBLY could go wrong?","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems (18+!!!)"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems (18+!!!)","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems-18\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Lough-Derg.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Lough-Derg.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Lough-Derg.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Lough-Derg.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3672,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/willie-rimes-was-off-the-drink-for-lent\/","url_meta":{"origin":2840,"position":3},"title":"Willie Rimes Was Off the Drink For Lent","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"16th April 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Willie Rimes gave up the drink Not forever as one would think But before in disbelief you blink It was only for Lent Sure he broke out St Patricks Day But sure every Irishman does Lent that way Sure whats one day as he himself did say As to the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Willie Rimes wakes up beside the Easter Bunny","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Willie-Rimes-wakes-up-beside-the-Easter-Bunny.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Willie-Rimes-wakes-up-beside-the-Easter-Bunny.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Willie-Rimes-wakes-up-beside-the-Easter-Bunny.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1976,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/poetic-crimes-of-willie-rimes\/","url_meta":{"origin":2840,"position":4},"title":"Poetic Crimes of Willie Rimes","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"9th December 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"He said he was talking to Mally, About the new book put out by Lally, Unlike Carty it didnt take him ages, To put together a few pages... A man who acts, and wont dilly dally! He said he was having a smoke, I swear this is not a joke...\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Willie Rimes makes a joi... fag out of the pages of Cormac Lallys new book","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Willie-Rimes-makes-a-joi...-fag-out-of-the-pages-of-Cormac-Lallys-new-book.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Willie-Rimes-makes-a-joi...-fag-out-of-the-pages-of-Cormac-Lallys-new-book.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Willie-Rimes-makes-a-joi...-fag-out-of-the-pages-of-Cormac-Lallys-new-book.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Willie-Rimes-makes-a-joi...-fag-out-of-the-pages-of-Cormac-Lallys-new-book.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3295,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/willie-rimes-applies-to-be-santa-claus\/","url_meta":{"origin":2840,"position":5},"title":"Willie Rimes Applies to Be Santa Claus","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"29th November 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Santa is real, as well known by all girls and boys Comes every Christmas to good children and give to them their toys But he needs helpers every Christmas to meet and greet as him Willie Rimes applied this year upon a drunken whim! He got a phonecall for an\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Funny Poems"","block_context":{"text":"Funny Poems","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/funny-poems\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Some claim this is authentic footage of Willie Rimes dressed as Santa... 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