{"id":1980,"date":"2014-07-03T19:07:45","date_gmt":"2014-07-03T19:07:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/?p=1980"},"modified":"2015-06-29T19:11:17","modified_gmt":"2015-06-29T19:11:17","slug":"aliens-in-edenderry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/aliens-in-edenderry\/","title":{"rendered":"Aliens in Edenderry"},"content":{"rendered":"

“

\"Aliens
Aliens reported in Edenderry in Offaly… sure why not?<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/p>\n

“Look at them bloody immigrants
\nIn their fancy fuck off UFO
\nPaid for with a grant from the government
\nJust like their antennae polishing, dont you know”
\nGrumblings from the unimpressed locals
\nWhen green multilegged Aliens were seen making merry
\nDrinking the dregs from bottles on the streets
\nOf the Offaly town of Edenderry.<\/p>\n

The Guards were called, they were appalled
\nThe aliens were Drunk
\nThey\u00c2\u00a0 slurred their\u00c2\u00a0 words, sounded absurd,
\nTripped over their tentacles with a clunk.
\nThis strange vehicle the guards inspected, as it glowed there in the dark
\nThe UFO had no tax, not NCT, nothing could they provide
\nThey were drunken driving, one guard interjected he suspected,
\nThe other agreed, saying possibly drug dealing on the side!<\/p>\n

“What will we do with them?” said the local priest, “are they Catholic at all?
\nDo you think their Travellers, from a halting site in outerspace?”
\n“I don’t care the guard, my shift is ending soon,
\nIf they are ISIS jihadists as long as they get out of this place!”
\n“Here lads”, says the second Traffic Cops Garda, “you have no immigration papers
\nNor current driving license, no NCT, insurance, tax or flying permit to show…
\nYour causing us a problem, we don’t want the TV boys\u00c2\u00a0 in this town
\nBut I don’t want any paperwork, so Ill give you a fine and you can go.”<\/p>\n

“Tell wank you” said the Alien, “fpot sine I pill way”
\nWhile trying to make sense of an Apple like dictionary machine
\nHis colleagues were eying up the local chicks, and drooling at the site
\nHoping to catch some STD’s to prove to Earth and Edenderry they had been.
\nBut when the Alien put his hand to his wallet, he found it was not there…
\nSome local gurrier had swiped his wallet of it he was sure…
\nSure it could have been the Garda, the computer intelligence machine gave its report
\nSure every one in Edenderry is a hoor!<\/p>\n

Says the Garda, “Of that we are innocent
\nWe did not commit the crime
\nIts our job to solve it, we are police
\nWe are not guilty of that… this time!
\nCount yourself lucky your in Edenderry,
\nAnd watch were around Offaly you go
\nStay the fuck out of Clara…
\nThere they’ll steal the whole damn feck UFO!”<\/p>\n

Id read about Aliens in the paper
\nOver Edenderry’s skies a fortnight ago was seen
\nBut I got the above report from Willie Rimes…
\nWho said at the scene he had been…
\nThey were green and grey, Willie did say
\nWith many tentacled arms…
\nAnd drooled and spooled their tenacles
\nAt passing women to their alarms.<\/p>\n

The truth of the tale I do not know…
\nNot accusing Willie Rimes of telling a lie…
\nThat hes prone to exaggerating…
\nIs a fact I wont deny…
\nI must ask Martin O Reilly
\nIf I see him on the street
\nOnly the other evening outside Centra in Tullamore
\nHim crossing there I did meet.<\/p>\n

Aliens in Edenderry is a strange one
\nGetting drunk, running amuck
\nHarassing local lady folk…
\nDrooling drunkenly, acting the nyeuck
\nKnowing Willie drunk and silly
\nSeeing him there falling up against the shelf…
\nThe truth of the tale he did regale
\nIs that the alien offenders were himself!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

” “Look at them bloody immigrants In their fancy fuck off UFO Paid for with a grant from the government Just like their antennae polishing, dont you know” Grumblings from the unimpressed locals When green multilegged Aliens were seen making merry Drinking the dregs from bottles on the streets Of …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[89],"tags":[2169,458,2167,2168,845,2098,318],"class_list":["post-1980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-poems","tag-alienism","tag-aliens","tag-edenderry","tag-guardai","tag-immigration","tag-racism","tag-willie-rimes","column","twocol"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7EI4f-vW","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1586,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/two-magpies-at-kilcormac\/","url_meta":{"origin":1980,"position":0},"title":"Two Magpies at Kilcormac","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"7th April 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Two magpies to the sky took flight I passed by to Birr on the bus Joy up ahead but not here yet Natures oracles speak to us. 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Yet it seems in this Lodge, thats one, just one,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Freemasonry"","block_context":{"text":"Freemasonry","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/freemasonry\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Tyler protects the Lodge door from the Cowan","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/The-Tyler-protects-the-Lodge-door-from-the-Cowan-189x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2741,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/are-the-fairies-against-the-fair\/","url_meta":{"origin":1980,"position":2},"title":"Are the Fairies Against the Fair?","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"17th May 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The locals they were wondering They were trying to make sense Why the Sergeant wants to stop Banagher Fair Or away in a field it fence... Which as with Lammas in the North Which for centuries on the street was there They stuck it in a car park of late\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Banagher"","block_context":{"text":"Banagher","link":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/category\/banagher\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Banaghers Garda Seargent","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.writingsinrhyme.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Banaghers-Garda-Seargent-244x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4053,"url":"https:\/\/writingsinrhyme.com\/index.php\/2013-readings-at-the-pallet-in-banagher\/","url_meta":{"origin":1980,"position":3},"title":"2013 Readings at the Pallet In Banagher","author":"Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh","date":"9th September 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=UH-NzQux4LM Tom\u00e1s \u00d3 C\u00e1rthaigh reading the The Pallet readings in his native Banagher in Co. 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